Deconstructing Religion: A Journey of Liberation and Reflection
Reclaiming Power Beyond Oppression
They told me religion was about love, but what I learned was control. Growing up in the Southern Baptist Church, I felt the weight of their impossible standards pressing on my chest like a stone. They said it was holiness, but it felt like fear, shame, and silence. For me—Christi—a teenager just trying to make sense of the world, religion became another source of harm, a mirror of the oppression I was already drowning in.
The Roots of Shame and Judgment
They judged me harshly, loved me conditionally, and told me my worth was measured by how well I could conform. But I couldn’t conform. How could I when the people who were supposed to guide me used their positions to harm me? My half-brother molested me, and my mother blamed me, silenced me, and shamed me. Youth ministers groomed me. The boys on the school bus molested me. And when I cried out for help, the church and the community turned their back. They didn’t protect me; they protected themselves.
I found out later that my own family wasn’t who I thought they were. My grandparents were my parents, but no one ever told me—the whole town knew, and they all kept the secret. That’s when I learned that love and safety were things I’d have to fight for, not things I could count on.
These experiences left scars. They splintered me, and those splinters became my system. Each part carried a piece of the pain, a piece of the shame. But as I grew, I started to see that this shame wasn’t mine to carry. It belonged to the systems that failed me—systems like the church.
Religion as a Mirror of Oppression
The church didn’t just fail me; it condemned me. When a pastor’s nephew hurt me, they called me the problem. They shunned me for what happened and blamed me because I was four months older than him. The whispers, the side-eyes, and the outright rejection were a punishment for daring to exist outside their narrow definitions of morality.
But the church’s reaction wasn’t unique. It reflected how religion when wielded as a tool of power, prioritizes patriarchy and control over compassion and justice. They protect the abusers and silence the abused. They decide who is worthy of love and salvation, and it’s rarely those of us who don’t fit their mold.
Deconstructing and Reclaiming
Deconstructing religion isn’t about rejecting faith; it’s about rejecting the harm done in its name. It’s about peeling back the layers of oppression to find what’s real and true. For me, that started with my system. I had to look at the shame we’d internalized—the shame aimed at Christy for being vulnerable, Chris for being angry, and even myself for not being what they wanted me to be.
Chris’s anger, though overwhelming at times, was our shield. He kept us safe when no one else would. And now, as we work to heal, I see his anger for what it is: a reflection of the injustice we’ve faced. His anger is a call to action, not a flaw. It’s a reminder that protecting ourselves isn’t wrong.
A Path Forward
Healing from this isn’t just about us; it’s about everyone. The shame and judgment I felt weren’t unique—they were part of a system designed to control and oppress. By sharing our story, we’re not just working to heal ourselves; we’re holding up a mirror to the world. We’re saying, “This harm isn’t inevitable. It can change.”
My higher self dreams of a world where we don’t uphold systems rooted in oppression, a world where people like me, like us, don’t have to fight so hard just to exist. It starts with small steps: dismantling the shame, setting boundaries, and refusing to let the systems that hurt us define us. It begins with reclaiming our power.
Conclusion
This journey isn’t easy, but it matters. By deconstructing the shame and judgment within us, we’re creating space for something new—for love, justice, and collective healing. I hope that by sharing our story, others will feel less alone. They’ll see that it’s possible to question, heal, and imagine a world where we are all free to be our truest, most authentic selves.